How to Build Confidence

Do you look around and see others “being confident”, do you see them walk into a room and ooze confidence; everywhere you look there’s another person speaking confidently and you wonder how everyone around you is confident, but you’re not?

It’s likely that those people also have doubts, the same as you, but they have developed their confidence and can evoke it when they need to.  Confidence is not something you are born with or ‘have’.    It is something you create.  Being confident boils down to you believing in yourself. 

Having the ability to evoke your confidence doesn’t mean you’ll sail through life and all your problems will be solved. We all have bad moments or days or things that cause upset.   But being confident is about trusting that no matter what happens (good or bad), you’ve got it.  You’ll be able to handle the situation and learn from it.

Learning to be confident comes from self-belief and your ability to change your view or perception of what’s going on.  You respond by how you ‘feel’ about a situation, so if you can change your mood you can change your perception and you can ignite your inner confidence, which will change your response.

Let’s start by looking at your normal outlook on life.

1.  Are you an optimist or a pessimist?

What I mean by this is that we can have half a glass of juice in front of us and one person will see it as half full, whereas the other half empty.  

This is an example of different perceptions of the same situation. 

“A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.”

Sir Winston Churchill

Change your perception, change your outlook, change your thought process and improve your confidence.  Focus on the positive and see how your perception changes.

2. Do you give up easily?

When faced with a set-back what do you do?  Do you give up or do you learn from the experience?

“You never fail until you stop trying.”

Albert Einstein

Confidence comes from the belief that you will succeed and you will, if you keep going. 

When you start taking action in line with your goal, your mindset will focus on achieving that goal and your confidence will grow.  Start believing that you can and you will notice your confidence growing.

Believing that you can be confident, will help you when things don’t quite go according to plan, it will keep you focused on the goal, you will learn from experiences or set-backs, take those learnings, reapply and keep moving forward with the confidence that you will succeed.

“If you think you can or you think you can’t – you will prove yourself right” 

Henry Ford

Your subconscious brain is very powerful, so if you tell it something, it will look for ways to make it happen. Thinks positively, think confidently and your subconscious will navigate you towards those things and will look for the opportunities.

How to build confidence

When you look at others that you think are confident, what do you see, what do you hear? Do you see them walking tall, taking strides “with confidence”, do you see them greeting others, saying hello as they walk by, do you notice their voice, the sound and tonality is constant and confident?

If you want to be like them, start acting like them. 

Notice how you walk.  Do you walk tall and proud or do you slouch? 

Are you making eye contact, nodding and greeting others or are you avoiding eye contact?

When you speak do you falter and doubt what is coming out of your mouth or do you trust that yourself and speak with certainty? 

Change the way you project yourself to the world and change your internal belief.  Change your internal belief and the way you are seen in the world will change.

Stand up, stand proud and exude confidence – even if you have to pretend that you’re confident. Your subconscious will pick up on your confidence even if your conscious mind is self-doubting. 

Practice until it becomes second nature.  Practice, practice, practice being confident and you will soon feel a shift inside, which will allow you to speak confidently and then others will see you as confident.

Like anything, the more you practice, the better you become and the better you become, the less you’ll have to practice because it will be just how you do things now.

Change your thought process and change your reality – believe that you are confident, act like you are confident and you will become confident.

Invest 15 minutes in yourself now and do this exercise: 

Grab a paper and pen – yes, the old fashioned way of writing – it makes a difference to how you respond to your thoughts if you capture them in hand writing.

Get into a quite space where you won’t be interrupted for 15 minutes.

Sit comfortably.  Take a deep breath in and out – releasing any tension or doubt as you breath out.

Now close your eyes and imagine now, only imagine what your life would be like if you were confident. Take a minute to really see that in your mind, think about what it would be like, feel that confidence inside you, listen to what you’re saying to yourself.

When you’ve done that, write this down:

If I was acting confidently I would … (answer this with whatever comes to mind – just start writing)  

Think about what this means for you and answer these questions:

  • If I was being confident……
  • I would be doing……
  • I would be saying to myself……
  • I would be feeling…..
  • What would you be seeing differently?
  • What would others around you be saying about you?

Now take 2-5 minutes and wildly write down your unfiltered thoughts.  Write down whatever comes to mind – no-one else is going to see this, so be true to yourself and just let it all come out.

Review what you’ve written and write down words or sentences that resonate with you around confidence.

Create an image of what you look like when you are confident (draw a picture – a stick figure – whatever comes to you – if you want, you can Google an image that resonates confidence for you).

Make an audio on your phone that you can play back to yourself using the words that you have written down that you associate with confidence.

Review that list, look at that drawing, listen to that audio 3 times a day, every day for the next 28 days.

Are you prepared to invest 5 minutes in yourself every day to review your list, drawing & audio for the next 28 days?  If you are ready to make a change in your life and do this exercise, you will see how your confidence grows. 

Let me know how you went. If you’d like some support to build your confidence, reach out and get in touch with me.

About the author

Helen Luxford is a Leadership Coach, Hypnotherapist and NLP practitioner.  Helen’s passion is helping  stressed professionals turn overwhelm and uncertainty into calm and confidence in 6 weeks or less.

Helen is an experienced Executive and HR Leader.  Helen combines her corporate experience with her qualifications and skills in coaching, Neurolinguistic Programming and Hypnotherapy to provide tailored programs for her clients. 


Helen is the co-author of Amazon best-selling book, Heart Centred Leadership.


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