The Importance of Self Reliance

Humans are tribal in their nature.  We like to be part of a community and to have our tribe around us, which is great, but we also need to recognise and become self-reliant.

When we are young, we need others to provide for us, but as we get older, we naturally become independent – which is good.  We can still hold connections to, and with our tribe, but we grow and become self-reliant.  Well that is, most of us.

Some people go from relying on those that raised us, to relying on friends, partners or some other close relationship that they have in their life.  As we grow and mature, we should be able to go through our day to day lives independently.

When I say ‘day to day lives’, I mean our every day actions and the way we live without trauma in our lives.  When we experience trauma or when we are in a non-resourceful state, it is normal and needed to reach out and ask others for help and support.

Our modern society is creating an environment where there is a tendency to rely on others more than necessary. 

In fact, some people continue to rely on, or seek gratification or acknowledgement from others in their everyday life for all of their life. 

This happens unconsciously, but it has an effect on how we live our lives day by day.  If you have not fully developed self-reliance, you may be relying on others for a variety of things and you may not even recognise that you’re doing this. 

How are you living your life?  Do you seek approval of others, or rely on them for financial support, do you ‘need’ to be in a relationship to feel secure or confident?

Have you lost your sense of self?  What if things could be different?

Learning how to be self-reliant and independent is part of becoming an adult. It’s OK to have people close to you, that you can rely on in challenging times.  But as an adult you need to be able to fend for yourself and make your own decisions based on your needs.  You are accountable and responsible for your decisions and actions.

When you are self-reliant, you are able to make decisions around your life, career, relationships, emotional wellbeing, personal believes, values and finances.

When you step into this ‘self’, it is extremely rewarding and empowering.  When you know that you are able to support yourself, make choices for you, and that you don’t need the approval of others. . . it is powerful.

You recognise that you can ask others what they think, but you don’t need their approval because deep down inside you know what is right and what you want to do.

Some people are stuck in a co-dependent or they may call it ‘comfortable’ state.  Where they rely on others to make decisions, to tell them what to do, to support them.  But are you truly happy in this state? 

Stepping into independence and taking responsibility can be scary, because you’ve lived your life with others telling you, leading you or making decisions for you.  That way it’s easier to blame them if something doesn’t work out.   Why would you want to change?

Because with independence and self-reliance you can blossom and bloom.  You can make decisions that you want, you can create the life that you’ve always dreamed of, you can respect yourself, love yourself and care for yourself.  If you want to take responsibility for your decisions, you can do this.  And, you can still have your tribe around you and keep those you want close to you. 

Or you can try to imagine a life where you don’t make your own decisions.  Try to imagine the rest of your life where you are reliant on someone else?  Try now, to consider the rest of your life asking for permission to do something, or doing things to seek their approval or trying to fit in with others beliefs, values, their way of doing things?

Now think about how you can be responsible, how you have control of your life now.  Now that you are in the driver’s seat, you are deciding what car you will drive, what direction to go in, how fast you’ll drive, what turns you’ll take, will you take the scenic route or go up the highway because you need to be there quicker?  Can you feel and see how empowering that is?  

Being dependent on others means you don’t have control over these things in your life and can lead to emotional distress.  

There is a way you can take control, you can teach yourself and learn how to be self-reliant.  You can develop yourself and seek help from others, from coaches, hypnotherapists, other healers, to help you unlock those blockages from inside you and open up the true, resourceful you.

Being responsible and taking ownership for YOUR LIFE, means accepting that you are great and you can do it.  You can embrace the power to create your own future.

As Albert Einstein said: “the definition of insanity is doing something over and over again and expecting a different result”. 

I can help you:

  • Grow your confidence
  • Accept yourself
  • Be able to make your own decisions
  • Recognise and manage your space, your independence
  • Value yourself
  • Understand, accept and live your own beliefs and values
  • Be empowered to make your own decisions
  • Help you recognise and not rely on ‘others’ or ‘things’ to make you happy
  • Find your true self and allow that person to emerge

If you’d like things to be different in your life, and you want to work with me to help you, now is the time to email or personal message me. 

About the author

Helen Luxford is a Leadership Coach, Hypnotherapist and NLP practitioner.  Helen’s passion is helping  stressed professionals turn overwhelm and uncertainty into calm and confidence in 6 weeks or less.

Helen is an experienced Executive and HR Leader.  Helen combines her corporate experience with her qualifications and skills in coaching, Neurolinguistic Programming and Hypnotherapy to provide tailored programs for her clients. 


Helen is the co-author of Amazon best-selling book, Heart Centred Leadership.


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